Watershed
To me, this breakup was the singular line that divided life into the before and after. My definition of what happiness is has changed. My familiarity with loss is more intimate. From day-to-day conversations to consuming media, I understand and empathize more vividly. I ponder hardship in dimensions previously unknown to me. What was the concept of grit is now solid as I question the entirety of my existence.
I’ve always regarded my discerning taste of life’s highs and lows (as opposed to a middling existence) as a distinct marker of me. But I honestly didn’t think I was capable of feeling so much. What happened over the past 4 months was a heart function test; one that I passed with flying colors and no preparation. I’m so much more human that I could laugh and cry in turn (I might already have).
I grew up on great stories. They’re triumphant and moving, filled with rich characters and trials by fire. I used to imagine myself transported up up and away. Somewhere along the way as reality matured me though, it also stopped breathing life into these stories.
However, I recently asked myself this after the events of days past: “is this really happening?” I didn’t see it at the time, but indeed, it is. This was the trial, this is the character-building, and these will be the moments of timeless quotes. Masterfully luminous and dark. Magical as only flawed humans can create. And now I know: to live like the stories is not only possible, it is a thing of beauty.
So I’m doing alright. I’ll continue doing life by instinct. I’ll remember who I am. I’ll be voraciously self-fulfilled. Because I have something to fight for now. And happiness begets happiness.
Game on, life. Game on.
